softplaces's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'A' is for 'Always Good For A Laugh' i still can't believe Speed Racer is dead. so then i thought i'd make some plans; but Fire thought she'd really rather be Water, instead. Hi. It's me again. Just me, again. It's been so long, but time never matters much, does it? Time never really affects things quite how it should. Not in my world. Welcome back to my world, my soft places. Nobody really knows about me, here. Or, maybe this is the only place they do. I'm just a little thing, now. Nothing much of significance. He's decided he wants nothing to do with me. from Jesus: and i have heard every Word that you have said. and i know that i have been driven like the snow, but this is cooling faster than i can. I don't worry about going crazy anymore. This is acceptance, or adulthood, or something of similar importance that begins with an A. And you know, I was right all along: Life Is Ridiculous. Remember that, kiddies. That's the Word. Because I'm twenty-three years old and I've finally figured out how to have discipline, and I'm finally getting straight A's, and I feel nothing. Accomplishment, another A. I cannot feel that. I only smile, and laugh when no one is listening. And I haven't cried for a few days. Not since the dream of him on monday. I'm proud of that. Proud of acting whole and normal while all the pieces wither and fall, and I live in his silence and in my dreams he weeps and curls for comfort. And I smile. And I walk, and do things. Things that begin with A. and said, "i know that you don't like me much-- let's go for a ride." and there's an ocean wrapped around that pineapple tree. and is your place in Heaven To tell you the truth, dear diary, and anyone who still pokes around here, I think I'm dead inside. And it's all so very funny, because I used to rage and drink and cut because I couldn't deal with the dying. But this is so much worse -- because it is quiet, because it is accepted, because it is What Must Be Beared. And I laugh, and I laugh, and the only thing I'm good for is a laugh. Always. The harlequin never forgets how to dance. from Jesus: and i have heard every Word that you have said. and i know that i have been driven like the snow, but this is cooling faster than i can. [tori amos] 3:15 PM - 1.5.06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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